Bruce Willis Looks Old even with Model Emma Heming

Bruce Willis used this weekend as an opportunity to age a thousand years. He hasn't exactly been a super stud since the Moonlighting days but he's had a certain look to him.

However, when you're dating a super hot model like Emma Heming who is just a couple of years older than your daughter, you should trim your "whities" so you aren't mistaken for Santa Clause or a homeless guy.

I expect more from the old bag of bones.  The only reason he's worth mentioning is because of the quality of flousy he bangs. I don't know what's wrong with Emma Heming but I hope we find out soon.

I miss the days of Bruce Willis being a total dick.

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Holly Madison is gone and Hef gains Karissa and Kristina

Hero of the Heteros Hugh Hefner does it again. When his Girl Next Door Holly Madison gave up her third of Hef's old bag of bones I thought it might be the end of this superhero's reign. 

But, Playboy's founder pulled a couple of rabbits out of his hat in the form of 19 year old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon.  Now I doubt there is any incest going on here and to tell you the truth I'd be suprised if Hef has had sex with any of his girlfriends in the last few years but that's another story.

I'm really sad to see Holly go because she was the only one I even remotely liked on that stupid reality show.

Here is to a guy who takes getting dumped with a couple of grains of salt!

Kim Kardashian at 14

I know there was a big presidential debate tonight and all that nonsense but the real news tonight is the fact that Kim Karashian posted a bikini photo at age 14 to dispell rumors that she had a boob job.

The talentless rich kid turned amatuer porn star, turned reality star, and soon to be back in porn has also denied she has had butt implants.

The important thing is that we all understand that she is not anti cosmetic surgery and will go under the knife if she needs to.

I for one appreciate Kim Kardashian being aggressive in combatting such a serious accusation. It's vital that all our slutty role models are completely natural. I love Kim and will sleep better tonight knowing all her good stuff is real.

Kim Kardashian denies Breast Augmentation

I have no problem with Miley Cyrus throwing a great sweet sixteen party for her and all her friends. In fact, closing down Disneyland for a bash is a great idea and something a mega rich little kid ought to strive for.

Miley Cyrus did some performing along with Billy Ray and had some cool events for her celebrity friends and the 5000 fans who attended Miley's Disneyland Sweet 16 party, but here is where it goes south for me.

Those in attendance had to shell out $250 a head to party with the star. Further, Disney used the event to pump their new birthday promotion which allows people to enter the park for free on their birthdays. Not a bad deal I may add.

However, if team Miley is so loaded and Disney is using this as a publicity stunt why did people have to pay $250 to get in. Wouldn't this have been a great opportunity to give back to some lucky fans. Maybe a few of those thousands who paid to join her fan club to get those nonexistent concert tickets that never materialized.

Telling people you're gonna honor some youth volunteers is not the same as bilking them for cash!

I get that it was a star studded event. I know how that goes because I have to attend all that crap, but when every news agency mentions the cost of going to your party, it better follow with an announcement of a huge donation to some polar bears or something.

Watch Miley go shopping at Forever 21 before her birthday bash

Insurance Company Not Paying on Heath Ledger Policy

I knew this was coming. Everytime an actor accidently murders himself their insurance companies don't want to pay. That's the nature of insurance.  

However, Ledger's death was ruled accidental and that should be enough for Little Matilda Rose to cash in. 

Instead the 2 year old has to go sue ReliaStar Life Insurance to try and get her milk money. (IFAwebnews.com )

To me it sounds like the insurance industry is being a little stupid not paying out in a high profile case that was not ruled a suicide. Life Insurance is a great deal right now, but in this economy people are not buying.

A little good press about how Heath Ledger's daughter was being taken care of by her pop's insurance policy would have gone a long way.

Way to go Insurance Brain Trust!

Kim Kardashian Tossed from Dancing With the Stars

I'm not surprised Kim Kardashian was booted from her little talent show because people forget she's little more than an amatuer porn star who lugs her engorged ass all over L.A.

However, she seemed to be the most compelling contestant on Dancing With The Stars. She oozes sex and the bodies are really what that show is about.  They probably should have kept her around a little longer because she is so interesting to look at.

I would much rather watch her dance with her mouth closed than listen to her yap on Tyra or Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Oasis Album Dig Out Your Soul on MySpace

Way to go lads. Giving us a free listen of Dig Out Your Soul on MySpace is brilliant because even though I like your tunes, there is no way I ever would have cared about you enough to buy your new CD. I will say my first listen was worth every penny I didn't pay.

However, the songs have their usual catchy grooves and La La La's and I'm giving you props on your new Beatlesque project. 

Not so much for the new songs because they sound like all your others, but really because of all the juicy gossip that's gonna drip out of your lives on tour.  Noel and Liam Gallagher are great headline makers and I don't think they are maturing with age.

I can't wait for first scandelous blurb to leak out.

I hope Noel whitens his teeth before the tour.

Sara Palin Swimsuit Competition Video

Even though this site is devoted to entertainment and not politics, how could anyone not see the entertainment value is this juicy video of Sarah Palin hoping to become Miss Alaska 1984?

Then know as Sarah Heath, Palin is looking MILFY in this grainy video. I can see the TV Repairman knocking on the dressing room door and the cheesy music started to play.

Boom Chicka WoW WoW!

It's crazy to think this little hustler could be the President but why not. If the McCain/Palin ticket wins I'm turning in my Uberazzi resignation and applying for an Enternship at the White House.

God Damn if I'm not sneakin around the "Ovum" Office!

P.S.    Isn't it nice that we can make fun of our leaders without fear of Death or Imprisonment? 

Get out and Vote for this nice meaty candidate!

Craig Ferguson is not the Democrats Bitch!

Craig Ferguson gets accused by media as being the democrats bitch for backing up David Letterman criticisms of McCain bailing on his show. So really Ferguson is David Letterman's bitch and he humbly admits that.

It's not often that I come out and defend a Scotsman because of the way their low hanging fruit is always bouncing out of their mini skirts. It is just weird.

However, there are four Scottish exports who are quite brilliant and that's it. In this order they are comedian Billy Connolly, talk show host Craig Ferguson, 80's two hit wonder band "Big Country" and Shrek.

Ferguson's late night humor has no equal, and he'll make you choke on those ham sandwiches you're eating in bed after midnight.

He was embroilled in a bit of controversy in the blogosphere this weekend but he handled it with a great sense of humor.

Maybe I just like the guy because the we both google Clay Aiken first thing when we get into the office.

Watch his funny monologue.

 Heather Locklear Arrested for DUI

Getting arrested in Hollywood these days is no big deal. Everybody's doing it and it seems to be a hot trend.

Now Heather Locklear has been arrested for DUI . I could really care less about her alleged crime because I was out of town this weekend so there was no way she could have run me over.

What I would like to point out is that I think she looks great in her mugshot. Usually we count on mugshots to be really awful photos of our favorite famous lawbreakers but I'm thinking Locklear looks pretty darn good.

Take a look back at Heather Locklear as she dances for the boys in a TJ Hooker episode. I love this vid.